Posted in Family, Mental Health, Opinion, parenting, Uncategorized

Why so serious (mom and dads)?

It’s amazing how loud pots are when they are being beaten together by little hands. It’s amazing how mud seems that much more impossible to clean when your toddler comes inside caked in it. Craft supplies can seem daunting to get out because every craft requires a mess. Every water play activity requires mopping after. Every play bath requires at least one outfit change on your part.

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Having fun and playing with your kids can sometimes lose it’s spark. You can get more concerned with the aftermath than the actual play time. My daughter asked me the other day if we could make a craft, which she loves to do, and I said “no honey I just wiped off the kitchen table”.

Wait what? We can’t craft because I wiped off a table? What kind of logic is that?

Sometimes it’s hard to drop what you’re doing and say yes! Yes we can. Screw the laundry, who needs clean plates, my pants will wear another day…probably. For me it’s even harder to not dread the aftermath, as mentioned above. But kids don’t grow up and remember having a spotless home, they grow up remembering when you played super heroes together in the backyard. They remember trips to the ice cream shop and visits to the zoo. But you can’t live in a pig sty either. Cleaning and chores kind of have to happen. Sometimes you have to be the grown up and be serious. So how do you balance it all? I honestly don’t know.

I got called a Pinterest mom the other day and at first I was insulted just because I didn’t really know what the hell that meant. But then it was explained that I do things you see on Pinterest but never actually do with your kids. Then I was flattered but I felt a little like a cheat because there is plenty I don’t do, that I should. So, how do you become a not so serious, Pinterest, fun mom? Again, I don’t really know, but here’s the best advice I can gather for that question.

Step one: stop being so serious

My daughter is that special stage of life when she knows exactly what not to say, and that she has the ability to say it whenever she wants. That age when I feel like a 13 year old is trapped in my 4 year old’s body. That oh-so-magical age where I hear “we aren’t friends anymore, you’re mean” at least four or five times a week. We just had a long discussion about what a mortgage was the other day when she decided she was going to run away. More on that later.

I find, the best way to handle a little bit of sass, is to make fun of it. I make fun of how silly she sounds when she’s having an attitude. I put my hands on my hips and shake my head and say “does this look nice to you? or does this look like someone who is not going to get what they are asking for?” I exaggerate her movements and voice enough that usually, it causes laughter. Laughter leads to happiness and happiness leads to no more attitude. At least for the time being. This is not to say that I do that or think it you should look over blatantly bad or disrespectful behaviors. Just pick and choose your battles.

It’s the picture frame argument my husband and I have. When a kid draws on the wall you can a) freak out, b) quietly find a magic eraser and start erasing, or c) frame it. I choose to frame it.

Step two: have family time

This is the step I struggle with because this is the step I want more than anything else. As a working mom I really feel like I miss out on quality time with my kids, and even my husband. We all know that complaint, but it is a valid one. Sometimes family time is also errand time. Like grocery shopping or running into town for a certain bill that needs to be paid. I try to turn these moments into family time. My daughter and I go to the farmer’s market at least twice a month together to get our produce in the spring and summer. It’s always fun to walk around and see the flowers and pick out a special treat for later.

Image result for kids at the farmers market

It’s important to make the distinction between quality time and quantity of time. Just because you might be with your kids all week if you stay home, doesn’t mean you were actually with your kids all week. You probably plopped in a movie or two or maybe three. You probably found some coloring books or crayons and pushed them into a corner somewhere. You did chores, you worked, you prepped dinner, you did things you have to do on a daily basis, which means it probably wasn’t quality time. Not saying there’s anyway around that, just make the mental note that ‘yes, I with baby girl today but we only played together for twenty minutes after lunch’. Then you can try to fit in my quality time at the end of the day or the next day.

Step three: Us Toys

Not Toys-R-Us, Us Toys have saved my relationship with my daughter in a lot of ways. Without going into her anxiety and other issues, the book Growing Up Brave is a great read for any parent that is struggling with a child with emotional problems. It is geared for anxiety but I think a lot of the tips and ideas mentioned would work for a variety of disorders.

Anyhoo, one of the things I took away from that book is “Child Led Play”. For ten minutes, everyday, you play with your child but you let them lead the playtime. Now this may sound easy and like something you already do, but I assure you if you really start listening to yourself while you’re playing, you will hear a person you didn’t know was there. During your child led play it’s good to have a box or bag filled with stuff just you two play with. Ours was a mermaid dress up game, two Barbies, a sticker book craft, and some art supplies to start. Now we usually just do a craft together because her father isn’t very “artsy” and that’s our special thing to do. They do puzzles or blocks. So you get it, you have something that’s just for you two, you pick a place where you won’t be bothered by the other parent, siblings, phone calls, anything.

Completely uninterrupted playtime that they lead. Don’t interrupt them, don’t correct them, don’t even give them ideas to a certain extent. It’s their party for ten to fifteen minutes. Try it for a month and I’d be surprised to find someone it doesn’t help your bond with your kid.

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Posted in Education, Family, Mental Health, Opinion, parenting, teaching, teen, toddlers, Uncategorized

Impulse Control, or lack there of

Stop hitting your brother.

Get your hands off your brother.

You can’t make your brother dance if he doesn’t want to.

Put down your brother.

He’s not a puppet, stop trying to make him talk.

No you can’t sit on his lap you’re twice his size.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST STOP TOUCHING YOUR BROTHER!

…impulse control. It’s one of the most difficult symptoms of ADHD that I have encountered. The endless talking, the inability to stop touching things, the constant

movement. More importantly, the lack of control. It’s hard as a parent and someone who grew up in a strict home to understand “can’t”. (Warning: Double negatives ahead) She can’t not touch him. She can’t not move around the couch. She can’t not speak over anyone else who is trying to speak to you. Anyone. Ever. And then of course is the backlash of “that’s just being a kid.” Just to clarify there’s a huge difference between a hyper child and a child with ADHD. A hyper child may have some issues keeping their hands to themselves, but in a child with ADHD you can see the physical discomfort as they try to restrain but can’t. If you haven’t had to see it that’s wonderful but I assure you it’s a problem.

Now that I have a better understanding of my daughter and what she’s going through I know now that no medicine is ever going to be able to help her in this area. Some parents can use the available treatments out there but even so, no amount of medication is going to work without some cognitive intervention.

How to handle impulse control:

    1. It’s okay to get mad/sad/frustrated. Just try to not project that onto your child. Yes, they need to be made aware that their behavior is not okay, and that it is causes conflict; however, making them feel guilty or responsible for your bad feelings is a bit much for a young child. For an older child, like 8 and up, I think they should know that what they are doing is causing you stress. That way you can work together on a plan of action.image
    2. Repeat yourself constantly. Something I loooooathe doing is repeating myself. I repeat; I loathe repeating myself. Did I mention I loathe it? Loathe what? Oh, repeating myself. Sometimes this is how it feels to talk to my daughter but I have to. I have to tell her many times that it’s time to put on pants. Most kids will putter and delay the inevitable but when impulse control is an issue it can take hours. Literally. Just to get dressed. One piece of clothing at a time; “Go put on your shoes”, “Please go get your shoes”, “I know that’s a beautiful a picture you just drew when I thought you were putting on your shoes but now you really need to put on your shoes”, “You know what? You can put them on in the car.” – not the best ending but it happens.
    3. I do believe in praising a child for being able to do something that is difficult for them. I think that it builds esteem, creates a bond, and gives them incentive. I do believe in special treats and awards. However, when my daughter started saying things like “if I’m good all day at school today I can have a snack when I get home right?” and I said, “Why don’t you be good all day at school today because that’s what you’re supposed to do and it will make me happy?” I got “the look” but we did have a good day that day. Awards can be over done but I feel like praise can’t, as long as it’s genuine. Kids are smart, and if you start praising them for every little thing (“Oh my gosh you walked down the hallway and didn’t trip that’s AMAZING”) they will know it’s not sincere. Praising for things that are milestone with impulse (“I’m so proud that you were able to get dressed before breakfast today, thank you.”) I think builds that positive experience.
    4. Routines. I’ve already posted about the importance of routines but consistency is crucial when teaching impulse control. If you do (blank) than (blank) happens and you feel (blank). This statement works for good and bad instances. Consistent punishments and consistent rewards are necessary when trying to change behaviors. We have a schedule for after school: snack, play outside, come in and help set table, eat dinner, play alone, bedtime routine.
    5. Learn the beauty of physical work. Chores. Wonderful chores. Cleaning up her bedroom has little appeal (although sometimes she really gets into it). However, doing things she sees me doing like the dishes, setting the table, feeding the cat, wiping down counters and tables; are all things she likes to do on her own. It occupies her, burns some energy, and keeps her out of trouble. I am starting a chore chart soon so we will see how that goes. Also, running is a godsend. Make up reasons for them to run. I like to pretend that the swing set in the furthest corner of our yard is the safe zone. So, she has to run from there to the house several times per game.
    6. Along the same lines, games are great tools for learning a new skill. Simon Says is one of my favorites. We play inside and out. When inside I like to put down colored paper in the hallway and make her go back and forth. If she steps off the square before I say the next “Simon Says” she loses. This teaches her to wait and listen to instruction before acting.
Posted in Family, health, Mental Health, toddlers

Difficult Behaviors & Discipline- Toddler edition

Image result for difficult toddler

Some toddlers are just a little more difficult than others. Spirited, strong willed, imaginative, energetic; all those nice flowery phrases that people without difficult toddlers like to throw at you, can sometimes make you want to pull your hair out. Or theirs. Don’t do that, it hurts. And you’ll look a sight with patches of hair missing. I was already writing this post when my article about anger was published last week. Seems to me we have a pattern…

I will say I have seen some definite improvements in my own daughter (finally!) after trying multiple things I’ve seen online, in books, and even discussed with a doctor. Some parents now argue discipline is actually detrimental to children and shouldn’t be done at all. I think that’s a wee bit on the ridiculous side. Rules are a part of life and kids must learn to adhere to them, end of story. But there’s so many resources out there now, not to mention the countless pieces of unsolicited information you get from your own parents, in-laws, friends, siblings, your weird neighbor with an affinity for flowered hats. Here are some things that worked for me, some things that didn’t, and why.

Yay! These Worked:

 

Remaining calm- Make sure to check yourself first. Make sure you are as calm as you can Image result for check yourself before you wreck yourselfbe while angry. Use a firm voice, at your child’s level, whenever possible. This can be a real struggle during a tantrum storm and a bout of defiance. When you want to scream, when your teeth start to clench, walk away. Go in your room and breath a few times.

Show them how to calm down. Calming yourself is not something you are born knowing how to do. Show them how to take deep breaths. How to relax their shoulders. How to express their thoughts into words once they have caught their breath.

If you have a partner who is helping you with your kids, have a tap out term. We just say “tap out” but whatever works to get the point across that you are getting to that point of no return.

Language- Use “what” instead of “why”. I have learned a lot of the time the “why” isn’t understood by your child. The “what” is much easier to grasp. So for instance, if you are trying to get your child to put on their shoes so you can leave, and they decide instead to throw them across the room, it’s honestly more effective to say “what are you supposed to be doing right now?” than “why did you do just do that?”Image result for kid shrugging shoulders

Also, using the same language is very important. For awhile my husband and I didn’t have the same terms for things. I would say “that’s not how we act like a good girl” and he would say “that’s not following the rules”. To us, we know these mean the same thing. To her it can be a little confusing.

Picking battles- Understand the difference between annoying and aggravating behavior versus unacceptable behavior. Constantly swinging their feet in a seat can be annoying but is it wrong? Interrupting you when you are trying to speak can be extremely annoying but still, is that them intentionally misbehaving? Painting on various surfaces of your home may make you want to cry a little but really, again, not being bad. Just being a kid. If they throw their drink cup at your head while you are driving, that is unacceptable. If they try to see how high they can throw their little sister, that is unacceptable. You see the difference. Pick your battles.Image result for mischievous child makeup

Limit all distractions when something important needs to be said- Again with my daughter possibly having ADHD this is very important in our house but I think is pretty universal if you are not seeing results from your disciplining. ALL kids are easily distracted to a certain degree. Make sure there is quiet, make sure you have eye contact, and if possible get on their level for your message to be made perfectly clear. Keep instructions short and sweet.

Stop idol threats- Coming up with punishments off the top of your head when your child is pushing you over the edge is never a good idea. I think at one point I threatened to give all of my daughters toys to charity including her favorite bunny. I know I would never do that, and she knows I would never do that. Kids are smarter than you think. I would also threaten that she wouldn’t be allowed to go to her grandmother’s in the past. She knew she was going, she did every week. I knew she was going, she did every week. Now, we have a system of repercussions. Snacks go first, than tv, than a toy, than early bedtime. In that order.

Face chart- This seemed so silly to me when I first saw them. And I wasn’t excited about having that picture hanging in my house. However, after trying the sticker chart (see below in the did not work section) I figured why not. For my daughter, visually seeing herself getting into trouble I think really helps. She wants to stay in the yellow (on our chart that’s the good face). When her clothespin moves down she genuinely gets upset about it. Which is a good thing!

 

Boo- These Did Not Work:

Sticker Chart- Since we are on the subject, the sticker chart was not a success for us. I’ve seen different opinions on these and I have to say it did seem like it was helping originally but the excitement of it wore off, fast. The first couple of weeks of seeing the stickers get put up made my daughter pretty happy. But the big old X on the bad days didn’t really have much of an affect on her. She pretty much just stopped caring about it after a few weeks.

Time Outs- This is not to be confused with “calm down time”, which we have plenty of in our house. Calm down time is time for my daughter to go in her room and play with her calm down box. Time out made her go from a 7 to a 20. Having to sit somewhere for over a minute when she didn’t want to was almost torture. Again, ADHD has a lot to do with that and that may not be the case for your child, but we can’t do time outs. Before ending them just the phrase would send her into hysterics. I even tried holding her in time out once or twice but just couldn’t see how it was that beneficial. So now we just start removing luxuries one by one (see above) and that has worked much better.

 Spanking– and the debate continues. I want to be very clear that I have spanked my child. Image result for spankingIn some instances I think it’s called for. In most however, I think it’s really overused. My problem with spanking is parents tend to do it when they are already angry, hot tempered, and out of ideas of what to do at that exact moment. Again, my daughter may have underlying issues but when she did get spanked she took that as a good reason to hit
others. The few times she did get spanked, she got in trouble at daycare the next day for hitting. I don’t think it was a coincidence. So, we removed spanking from our discipline routine. Honestly, we still get the “we had some violence” issues talks from school but not as many. I do not allow it anymore purely for not being able to explain to her when she asked why mommy can hit her but she can’t hit when she’s upset.

When changing something always give it an appropriate amount of time to see whether or not it’s going to be effective. This is something I struggle with since I want to change things all the time and try everything I read but you do really need to allow for adjustment.

Posted in Education, Family, Mental Health, parenting, toddlers

Sports and ADHD

 

I have been doing a lot of research on the topic of ADHD (if you can’t tell by some of the other posts) and to help kids (and parents) better cope with the disorder. It’s actually pretty fascinating how the mind works and how ADD and ADHD affect it.

School is starting soon, and that means classes and sports will also be starting. You may be wondering what’s the best sport or activity to put your child in, especially if you have noticed some hyperactivity. (Note: I don’t think every kid who is hyperactive has ADHD and I do think it’s extremely overly diagnosed. But some of this information is good for any child who needs a little extra help burning off some energy).

It has been proven that children who participate in extracurricular activities do better in school. I would be wary of doing too many activities as you don’t want to burn your child out, but getting them involved and interested in at least one thing early on can lead them into a lifelong appreciation for the activity.

What do sports teach? Teamwork, listening skills, discipline, social skills, focus, and above all, in my opinion, a sense of accomplishment. Children with ADHD and ADD tend to suffer from low self-esteem, especially as they get into elementary and middle school.

What do activities like music and art teach? Discipline, structure, a way to calm down, and again, a sense of accomplishment.

This article will focus on sports. The biggest question I keep seeing is “should I put my child in an individual sport, or a team sport?” It may seem daunting picturing your hyperactive child trying to work as a team and you may want to do an individual sport. Or, you may see this as an opportunity for them to challenge themselves and work with others. Below are options for both.

 

Martial Arts:

young children doing karateBenefits: teaches self-control, discipline, individualism, accomplishment, respect

You do not have the issue of struggling to work as team but they will need to understand how to share their time. Each student usually gets a chance to try a new skill or lesson on their own. This may be hard for a child with ADHD or ADD but something they can overcome. They will also have to learn new skills by step-by-step instruction.

 

Swimming:

Benefits: can be very physically demanding which is good for ADHD children, gets one on one with coaches, still has team to work with even though rated individually

Make sure to research swim lessons or teams in your area. In some places this may be an expensive route but there have been many success stories. Obviously, Michael Phelps being one of the most popular.

Gymnastics:

Benefits: physically demanding, physical awareness, improves focus, great for children with sensory issues as well

TImage result for gymnastic toddlerhe only downside I see to gymnastics is most children with ADHD and ADD suffer from impulse control problems and reckless behaviors. When learning difficult maneuvers, it may be something to consider and to monitor closely to lessen any injuries. Of course, most coaches and instructors know this and are trained to handle these behaviors.

 

Horse back riding:

Benefits: out in nature, learning patience and calmness, learns to respond and appreciate the animal

This may be one of the most expensive activities that you can find for children but again there have been many success stories. I would wary of horseback riding for those children with more severe ADHD as horses are animals. I love horses and horseback riding personally, but I have been thrown off of one as well and it is scary, not to mention dangerous. If your child doesn’t have a sense of how to control their impulsivity, at least a little, I would recommend working on that before trying horseback riding.

Soccer:

Benefits: team camaraderie, constant movement, little downtime between activities, sense of accomplishment

As with any team activity the biggest issue is learning to deal with losing and learning to work with others. That can be a turn off for some parents or a driving factor for others. I think just being open with your child beforehand that they may not win, but that’s it okay, will help with this so they are prepared for that. Soccer also has a very young starting age (some places as young as 2) and goes through most high schools so it’s something your child can grow with.


Baseball:

Benefits: teamwork, patience, sportsmanship, discipline

My biggest problem with baseball is that there tends to be a lot of downtime. If your child is playing outfield there may be lulls in time where they are not running or doing something active. This tends to let the mind wander and leads to boredom, which then leads to them not paying attention. Again, for especially hyperactive children, baseball may not be the best fit.

 

Basketball:

Benefits: concentration, teamwork, constant movement, sense of accomplishment

There are many mixed reviews about basketball and ADHD. For one thing, it’s a good sport because it is so high energy. On the other, it’s tough for some children because you must have serImage result for basketball elementary schoolious focus and keep the ball in sight at all times. Many ADHD students struggle with this and can get frustrated during the game. My advice is, if you want to go this route, is to explain it as a trial. Tell your child there are many other things they can try to do if basketball doesn’t seem to be fun for them. If they are struggling with paying attention to it too much then they won’t enjoy the game and that defeats the whole purpose.

 

One thing worth mentioning is (just like with school and having a great teacher) any sport can be as good or as bad as the coach you get. If you have a coach who is understanding and patient then your child is more likely to succeed at whatever it is they are doing.

 

Posted in Family, parenting, Uncategorized

Recommended Reading from HoneyBear Lane

I don’t usually repost parenting advice articles unless they have some sort of educational incentive behind them. However, being in the situation I am in with my own child and reading this post from HoneyBear Lane I thought I would share it.

Sometimes something that should be so simple, like making your children happy, is anything but simple. I like her recommendations and for parents who can actually make a schedule like hers work for you…kudos.

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Posted in Education, Family, health, Opinion, parenting, teaching, toddlers

Behavior Saviors

I read a book about dealing with toddlers recently called Shit No One Tells You

It is a good read but what stuck with me the most is a line in the very beginning. I tried looking up the exact wording but it was basically something like: “I realize I suck at parenting and I’m not used to sucking at things.” *brain explodes*

It was a moment of realization: I have, literally, no idea what I’m doing, at any time when dealing with my daughter. Whatever issue we are facing at the present moment, it is the first time we have faced it with her at that exact age and me in whatever state I’m in. Each day is different and new, which in some ways is exciting and others it’s freaking exhausting.

We have had some issues with my angel’s behavior and it has taken quite the toll on our little family. As much as I blog about parenting and educating your kids at home, I don’t want it to seem that I don’t understand there are things other than reading everyday. When my daughter is throwing things at us and screaming “go away”, trying to get her to read Wocket in My Pocket seems a little unimportant at that moment.

After reading dozens of articles and books, and doing trial and error, I would like to share the few things that work at my house. I say it this way because it does bother me that “parenting” articles (a lot of the time) seem to be “here, this is the way to do and that’s that,” when obviously every kid is different. Some of the tactics just do not work with our little one but hey, the things that I swear by might not work for you either. Remember, we all suck at this.

1.Talking

Stupidest. Advice. Ever. At least I thought that when I read it for the thousandth time. Talking? Really? She just spit on her father and is now kicking a hole in the wall and you want me to talk to that right now? Well yes and no.

I started thinking about it and she is a little person. A two and a half year old with real people feelings and emotions and no where near the experience of expressing them as we have. It’s actually incredible she functions at all. If I couldn’t cuss people under my breath I don’t know how I would make it through the day.

Talking is actually the best thing I have found to do. You have to have patience (which I am working on with her) and you have to be able to read timing. While the fits are happening (some people seem to think you shouldn’t label them fits so if that offends please call them something else like not-so-happy-times) is not the time to talk. That is when your child needs to express their anger, rage, frustrations, and just plain disdain for their little world. They need to cry and scream. So put them by themselves (where you can still hear them, not out in the shed) and tell them you will wait until they are done. My daughter has actually gotten to where she will put herself in time out basically when she needs to cry. It’s amazing. Yes, she’s still crying and upset but only for a short period and she’s recognizing that she needs to deal with those feelings.

When she is done and gets distracted by (insert anything shiny or moving here) then I bring her out and we TALK. We talk, just like normal people but with funny wording. “So, do you know why you were crying?” “Cause, cause I was sad.” “Why were you sad?” “Cause you were mean to me.” “Why?” “Cause you told me no.” “I did, you’re right. You know why? Reese’s Pieces aren’t good to eat for dinner. We need to eat something else first and then you can a piece okay?”

Yes this is a verbatim example.

2. Acceptance

One of the hardest things to have to do when dealing with a child who is having behavior issues is accepting that your child is having behavior issues. It’s hard to hear from a daycare teacher, or from their school, that your kid is beating up other kids or kicking their teacher or burning down the play area (hopefully it’s not the later). It’s probably even harder to witness these problems first hand. Having to yell the words “No, you do not put the kitty in the washing machine” isn’t really the part of parenting you were looking forward to I’m sure. But once you come to terms with the fact that you need to help, you are much better off.

 

<— Don’t be this

 

 

We aren’t doing our child or ourselves any favors by acting like everything is hunky dory when it isn’t. But when do you cross that line between “oh he/she is just a kid” to “okay maybe that is worrisome”? That was something I struggled with for a long time.

After a tough infancy and being used to a very independent (aka stubborn) toddler, I didn’t think behavior/emotional issues were too big of a problem. Until, I started getting the talk from daycare. Once or twice is one thing, but when your child is acting up daily there may be a concern. It started to spill over into bedtime routine as well and I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. I missed my girl. I didn’t know who this screaming little banshee was but she needed to let me daughter come out and play once in awhile.

I looked at our life situation, there are a lot of changes going on for a little one to process. New room, new bed, new daycare, mommy working full time, mommy pregnant, ect ect. It’s just a lot all around. I analyzed her daycare. It’s a very loud and small indoor area (which for her is not good). She needs quiet in order to focus or nap so needless to say she doesn’t nap during the day now. In their defense, the outdoor area is amazing and I know she loves that part of it. I analyzed myself and her father. We both have some work to do in the emotional department! No wonder this poor kid needs help. Accepting is not the easiest part, it may in fact be the hardest. But once I came to that point, it has changed everything.

She is still in the same daycare but the way I’ve approach bedtime has changed. We have started to do everything early, acknowledging she isn’t napping during the day. I also make sure we talk about any feelings she had during to find out some triggers. I have looked at other daycare options as well but for now that isn’t a possibility for me. If you are struggle with your child at daycare then sometimes it’s as simple as they aren’t gelling with their current place. This isn’t to say anything is even wrong with the daycare necessarily, it’s just not a match for whatever reason.

3. Rewards

Again, some people and professionals are against this now. Behavior charts were all the rage, and some parents still swear by them. In schools, most classrooms in elementary still do something along these lines whether it be an actual chart or some sort of points system for good behavior. One class I know had each child create a flower. Whenever they went above and beyond they got to color in a petal. It’s basically rewarding the good and not necessarily punishing the bad.

Okay, I dig it I guess, until it gets to “Okay so we only had two spits, one punch, and one black eye I guess that’s a good day! Here’s a Twinkie.” No. Stop doing that please.

This is something new that I am trying and I will say it’s not always the best or most feasible approach. I don’t think just giving to the fits is the way to go. Yes, the screaming will stop for the time being but your child isn’t learning to cope with the words “no”, “not right now”, or “stop” when you just cave. However, if you can get them calm and talk and show them that good behavior and having patience leads to good things I think that is something that sticks with them. On the flip side, I have read that some parents think this is installing in your child to expect things just for behaving the way are supposed to and it isn’t actually teaching them to make good choices. Just one area I guess I disagree.

Something I am trying for the holiday season is a good behavior tree. A friend of mine bought a little cardboard Christmas tree. My daughter is obsessed with stickers and making a mess so I know she’s going to be all over this thing. My plan of attack is, for the days she comes home from daycare and has been behaving she gets to put some decorations on it. The days she gets in trouble, she can’t. We have done similar things the past few weeks regarding movie time, snacks, ect and it’s really hit and miss. With their not be a consistent prize for good behavior I feel like maybe I need to limit what the reward actually is. This is a work in progress for me so we’ll see how it goes.

(For older kids- tweens and teens check out this post)

4. Quality Time

This is also one that seems like a no brainer. You see your kids every day of life for the most part how much more time do you need to give?

The biggest difference I have seen in my daughter’s behavior came after I took the time to take her on some “dates” as we call them. Again, going from working part time and being with her the rest of the time to working full time has been hard on both of us. Now our dates can be as simple as going to the store and actually playing with things or looking at decorations to getting food together to going to the park. The important thing is that I don’t have an agenda when we do something. We just go with the flow. This is not “I’m running errands and want you to behave so I’m calling it a date” it’s spending time with your toddler.

Feel free to post below anything you have tried and succeeded with your children (or failed miserably there’s no judging here). We all suck at this.